


Flutter

by romanoffswife



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, i have no idea what this is, sapphic yearning, with a sprinkle of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27265771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanoffswife/pseuds/romanoffswife
Summary: emily loved the almost painful way her belly would flutter when she saw jj
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> This totally might have been done before because I rarely get original ideas. So let me know if this has been done so I can give credit lol

She’s 7 when she first feels it. The weird flutter in her belly and chest that can’t quite be described. She can’t imagine how disappointed the ambassador would be if she ever found out that Emily was stumbling over her words, but it’s not her fault the blue-eyed girl with the blonde pigtails is so pretty. 

Emily learns the blonde’s name is Jennifer, but she likes to be called JJ. She also likes to run around with the boys in their class a lot, but doesn’t mind sitting down with Emily to color. 

Emily convinces the ambassador to let her take the bus home. Sometimes they don’t even talk, they just sit there in silence and look out the window together. Emily sits with JJ and relishes in those extra 20 minutes with the girl.

They’re sitting on the swings during recess when JJ declares that they are going to be best friends forever, and Emily feels like she might faint. It was a simple declaration, but it meant the world to her. Emily wants that moment to last forever. 

JJ tries to get Emily to sign up for soccer with her, but she says no because soccer is JJ’s thing and Emily is content to just sit and watch her friend play. As they start getting older and soccer becomes more than just a hobby, Emily starts going to every game. 

She loves the flutter in her belly and the warmth in her chest. She loves how perfectly their hands fit together when JJ pulls her over to the monkey bars. She never wants that feeling to go away. 

It does, when she’s 12 and the ambassador tells her they’re moving. To Italy. A whole country away. She’s moved before and adjusted perfectly fine, but this time something's off. Her belly flutters and so does her heart, but in all the wrong ways.

She’s all the way in Italy when she realizes that her friendship with JJ was different than a regular friendship. She doesn’t understand how, but it was different and she liked it. She liked it, and she wanted it back.

She misses the way JJ’s hair managed to glow in the sunlight while she played soccer. She misses the way JJ would hold her hand to keep her from biting her nails raw. She misses the way JJ’s nose would scrunch up when she tried learning French. She misses JJ. It hurts, God it hurts.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you to the people who read this lol. Hope you like this :)

She’s 17 when she feels it again, but it’s not the same. The warmth doesn’t spread to her chest like it did 10 years ago. She doesn’t know why, all she knows is that she doesn’t like it. 

Sofia is a nice girl, and she really likes Emily. They’re in the same art and english classes. They also sit together during lunch and spend their time in between classes in the library together. Sofia has the same affinity for old literature as Emily, so they enjoy trading books. 

The ambassador is rarely home, so the girls find themselves in Emily’s room a lot. Sofia will sit and read the book Emily recommended that week, and Emily will read the book Sofia recommended. It’s a quiet and simple time, and Emily thinks things might actually work out with Sofia. 

They’re sitting in the school courtyard when Sofia kisses Emily for the first time. It’s a good kiss; there’s nothing wrong with it. Emily almost likes it. But she feels like she’s betraying a part of herself, and she hates that.

Sofia is a nice girl, but she’s not JJ. JJ, the sweet girl who is probably playing soccer right now. The girl with the blonde hair, who was always so determined to be the best she could be. The girl Emily hadn’t talked to in almost three years. 

It hurt Emily to think about how they grew apart. She couldn’t even tell you when they stopped talking, they just did. The ambassador enrolled Emily in as many extra circulars as possible to ensure that she wouldn’t be able to run off and ‘embarrass’ her. That, and JJ’s soccer, kept the two from talking. Emily often wonders if JJ thinks about her the same way she thinks about JJ. 

Emily breaks it off with Sofia. She knows she isn’t being fair to her. Sofia is so nice about it too, which makes it even harder for Emily. It makes Emily feel so incredibly selfish; Sofia is perfect for her, and somehow it just isn’t enough. No one is ever going to match up to JJ. 

Emily was probably never going to get over JJ, and maybe it’s immature of her, but she doesn’t want to get over her. She doesn’t want to hold anyone else’s hand. She doesn’t want to feel the fluttering in her belly and chest from anyone else either. She just wants JJ.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took an embarrassing long time to write lol. Writers block is another form of the devil. Anyways here, hope you like it lol

Emily is 27, and still hasn’t found anyone who makes her feel the same way JJ did. Maybe a few here and there, but none of those relationships actually stuck. She tells everyone it's because she’s too preoccupied with work to get serious, but she knows the real reason. 

Emily quickly climbs the ranks of the FBI, which certainly makes the ambassador happy. She’s always been on Emily's case about being the perfect child. Being the epitome of what a diplomat’s daughter should be. The ambassador’s approval almost distracts Emily from the constant, longing ache in her chest. Almost. 

She’s 29 when she accepts a job with the CIA. They send her undercover. It’s not a very hard task; she’s been putting on different masks her whole life. Pretending to be someone she’s not in hopes of pleasing others. 

When the case is over, she finds herself longing for that little bit of stability Lauren Reynolds had with Ian Doyle. Emily thinks about her future for the first time since high school. She thinks about the home she wants for her children. She thinks about the love she wants to give to someone else. And it pains her to think about how she may never get that.

She’s 33 when she earns a spot in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. A unit that some people work their entire careers for. She’s happy to be back with the FBI. Happy to be working on new cases. Happy to put her profiling skills to use again. 

She’s 33 when she feels the flutter again. The real flutter this time. When she steps into the bullpen and spots those blue eyes from all those years ago. She has to do a double-take because there’s no way that’s possible. There’s no way that she’s staring directly at the girl who stole her heart in first grade and has had it ever since. But she is. Jennifer Jareau is standing 20 feet away from her. 

Emily feels like a little girl all over again. She’s taken back to her first day of school when the pretty girl asked to borrow her colored pencils. She finds herself stumbling over her words all the same, and blushing like crazy. She knows adults shouldn’t be acting like this, but she can’t help it.

They somehow fall into an easy rhythm again, even though they haven’t seen each other in forever. It’s like they never even stopped talking. It’s like their time together was paused, and was finally being played again. 

Their hands still fit together like puzzle pieces. JJ’s nose still scrunches up when she tries to speak French. They sit together on the jet and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Emily is finally at peace. 

She gets that flutter in her belly and warmth in her chest every day now, and she’s not going to let it go this time. She’s not going to allow it to get ripped out from under her again. Emily finally has JJ, and she’s not going to let her go .


End file.
